


Muscle Memory Pt. II

by SocialDisease609



Series: Muscle Memory [2]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Memories, danbeau, feels part two, mostly text over dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDisease609/pseuds/SocialDisease609
Summary: I decided to add more to Muscle Memory. I might do a third and final one, it all depends if the muse gets juiced enough.Last time it was Maria's recollections, this time it's Carol remembering a few things before returning back to Earth to surprise Maria and make a declaration.





	Muscle Memory Pt. II

Carol’s memories start coming back to her while she aids the Skrulls in homesteading, even more so when she is undergoing her one-woman stealth missions in sabotaging the Kree’s attempts to continue the war-effort. She was grateful for the memories restoring at such a rapid rate, but having a flashback take over her mind mid-punch was dangerous. For a fleeting second, she would be practically transported somewhere in the past, her actual current environment painted over, blinding her, thus making her vulnerable to a sharp melee attack. Talos suggested Carol take a break, but Carol was a mission-driven woman, and could only successfully convince her to take just a week off. She secluded herself to a small hut the Skrulls had built on the planet they had settled on, and kept to herself, preferring to let her mind flash in front of her eyes while she poured a glass of water rather than in the midst of a battle.

                It was almost alarming how quick everything was coming back. As if there was a line behind her, starting from the Earth year 1989, rapidly shooting straight until today. Her life was now becoming linear instead of scattered. She saw it all.

 

* * *

 

                Carol woke up, instinctually knowing she was in some kind of surgical environment, given by the large bright light above her, the sound of metal instruments clinking on a tray, and what her muffled brain could only translate as doctors frantically coming up with a medical plan. She tried to shift on the hard metal surface but felt sluggish and heavy. Lifting her head with immense effort, she saw her feet and hands were bound by thick metal restraints, holding her down by the ankles and wrists. Her heart immediately jumped into a frantic rate. She wasn’t at a medical facility, well, at least not one of her country. Then she remembered it. The crash, Lawson revealing her identity, and Carol herself, pulling the trigger motivated by moral instinct. When she swore into the United States Air Force many years ago, she knew what it meant. Other cadets didn’t have it hit them at the beginning, but Carol knew from the start, and it was only reinforced when one of her drill instructors at the Academy shouted at her flight: “Don’t forget, you may be here to be molded into a leader, but never forget what you and your subordinate Airmen have in common: for your country, you both have essentially volunteered to die.” And this memory hit her hard in what she thought was her last moment of life. She had faced this _alien_ man with courage and unwavering battle-spirit, like the respectable Officer she wanted to die as, but could not stop the fear from showing itself on her face as she watched the bright blue energy mass explode and grow towards her. She knew it was all a second, maybe even less, but she saw it come at her in slow motion. Her heart dropped and screamed at her to run, her life preserving instincts begging to save herself, and Carol was afraid. She wasn’t going to lie to herself in her moment of death. She was scared, and her fear surged as her mind flooded her with selfish guilt _: you are never going home again, you have abandoned Maria. You have abandoned Monica. …Will they be okay?_ And she felt hyper sensitive to the air entering her lungs as she breathed through her mouth, her last breath, and then it all went black.

                A man had leaned over her as she struggled on the table. He had said something to her and it didn’t make a damn word of sense. He rolled his eyes at her confusion and then pressed something on his forearm.

                “How about now?” He asked. “Can you understand me?”

                Carol’s eyes were wide, and she looked around everywhere, trying to take in as much information of her environment as possible.

                “Hey!” The man snapped his fingers, but Carol did not return her attention. There was a door at the far-right corner of the room. How was she going to get out of these shackles, though? “Hey!” The man repeated and grabbed Carol’s chin, forcing her head to look at him. “What is your name? How are you feeling?”

                Carol’s heart pounded as her mind raced into protocol. “Captain Carol Danvers, United States Air Force, 128509947.”

                “Oh, we’ve got ourselves a Captain,” the doctor said, looking over his shoulder to address the other staff, and then turned back to face Carol. “Pleasure to meet you, Captain Danvers. How are you feeling? I need to take note of your physical state. What about this?” He put his hand behind Carol’s head and pressed on something that pinched into base of her skull and neck. She hadn’t noticed it until now, and it hurt like a bitch.

                Yet Carol swallowed and repeated, “Captain Carol Danvers, United States Air Force, 128509947.”

                The doctor gritted his jaw before trying again, his face stern. “Captain Danvers, now is not the time for protocol, I’m just making sure you’re okay. You survived a crash and an explosion within minutes of each other, your body has definitely taken a toll. We will interrogate you later.” He winked as if it was just bedside humor. “Now, tell me what hurts, if you have any prior injuries and medical reactions we should know about, the like.”

                Carol stared at him, trying to stabilize her mind from panicking. They trained them all for the possibility of becoming a prisoner of war. She coaxed herself in her mind, telling her the POW training was the best thing for her, so she repeated once more, “Captain Carol Danvers, United States Air Force, 128509947.”

 

* * *

 

                Carol yawned, dead exhausted. Usually she hated waking up from dreams and memories of the past, but now, she took each dream and dissected it. Trying to figure out what was subconscious interpretation and what was true, what was Kree brainwashing and what was legitimate. This time she knew it was a real memory. It was her in a Kree cell, picking apart the meal she had been given, completely grossed out at the foreign contents. It was strange to think about this one. The vegetables that Carol pushed around with her fork actually became something she had loved to eat as Vers. But this memory overall was something memory restoration could not fill completely. Carol didn’t know how long she was in the cell for, if it was days, weeks, or months. She had no window in the cell, no cellmate, now way to tell time. They had given her extra food in this meal, telling her she was going to need energy for some procedure. She dreaded what it meant, however, her imprisonment was not how she imagined it would go. No waterboarding, no bamboo shoots under the fingernails, not punches, kicks, or cuts, no mind games she could detect, no food or water deprivation, just countless experiments. Carol made herself laugh just one. It was a huff of a laugh, thinking about how this was so stereotypical- of course an alien abduction would only result in invasive medical examinations. The only thing that hit Carol hard was when they took her flight-suit from her. Her combat boots unlaced, yanked off her feet. The pride and identity she had in her uniform jerked off her limbs and balled, put away into some cabinet somewhere in this ship. She got some Kree medical gown thrown back at her. They had stripped her naked countless times, evaluating her spine, her joints, prodding at the muscles of her back, the status of her reproductive health, put her in machines similar to MRIs on Earth, telling her they were checking for tumors. They said they didn’t know if her lifeform could handle the radiation of the energy core explosion. They took her blood daily, awed at the crimson color. When they took her out of the cell, disappointed at her lack of appetite, they drew her blood once more, and the doctor laughed, holding the tube in front of her face, saying “take one last look at this.” Whatever the hell that meant. They took her to the medical room she had been oh so familiar with and strapped her down to the table. She stopped fighting it a few experiments ago.

                And then a man came into the room. The aura about his walk spoke of authority. She recognized him. It was the man from the crash. Carol seized her opportunity.

                “May I contact my duty station?”

                The man looked at her, intrigued by the question. “Why would I do that?”

                “You have captured me, it would be fair and just to let my nation know that I have been captured by an enemy they are unaware of. What are your rules of engagement and treatment of prisoners of war?” Carol said this all unwavering, and she was proud of herself.

                “Your people do not need to know anything. As far as they are concerned, you and Doctor Lawson disintegrated in the crash.” He said this as his lips curled into an amused smile. “You’re long dead, and it’s only been four days.”

                All that had motivated Carol was the promise she kept telling herself: _they will eventually take me back. I’ll get to go back home. I’ll be safe home, I’ll be supported by wingmen soon. I’ll see Maria again_. But now, everything crashed down. She was never going back home, her life was over, and the unknown future was a fear worse than death.

                “What are you going to do to me?” She chose to ask.

                The man smiled softly now this time, leaning over to Carol and placing a cold hand on her shoulder. “Take you under our roof.” Carol’s heart sparked curiously. Her instincts primed at the promise of survival outside of imprisonment, but her pride also came out, ashamed of herself. “You’re going to become one of us.”

                He removed the vambrace off the left arm of his uniform to expose a forearm to the medical staff. They began fiddling with needles and tubes and attached something to him, and then they moved to her and pressed a needle and cap into her arm. She now understood as she saw the dark blue, or was it green, blood flow from the man’s arm and make its way to her. She started to panic. Would this even work? How compatible could this transfusion even be? They were different species for god’s sakes!

                “Why is this necessary?” Carol asked, her voice cracking to control her fear.

                “Well, you won’t believe us when we say you’re one of us if you bleed red.”

                “… What?”

                “You’re going to be one of us, inside and out,” the man explained. He leaned closer and tapped her forehead with his index finger. “Including your mind and allegiance.”

                Carol’s mind began to feel weak, and he limbs tingled sickly, as if she was about to pass out. Her eyes glanced down to the tube connected to her arm. The new blood was definitely flowing into her now. She started to feel very warm, and sweat was forming on her face and on her chest. Her heart gushed weakly and her breathing became shallow. “I’m… feeling sick,” Carol muttered, her eyelids fluttering with faint.

                “You’ll feel weak for a while, as your body adapts to the new blood. Your heart may fail, but we have better resuscitation devices than C-53. While the transfusion is working, the rest of the doctors here will work on your mind.”

                “Don’t, don’t…”

                She didn’t know how much time had passed after she fainted, but now the memory of her waking up “since the Skrull attack” made the current Carol grit her teeth in furious shame. Carol had woken up, seeing the blood flow through her vein, and a Kree soldier standing there donating to her. He introduced himself as Yon-Rogg, and said he and his crew had rescued her from a Skrull attack, and were doing everything they could to save her, their fellow countryman, the only survivor. She panicked when she tried to recall the attack. Tried to recall if she had any loved ones to worry about, panicked when she couldn’t even remember what home looked like. Not even her name!

                But Yon-Rogg had told her that her name was Vers. That’s all they had on her apparently. She spent time in a Kree infirmary, walking around free with other patients, although now that Carol recollected on the memory, noticed a lot of guards here and there surveilling her. Yon-Rogg frequently visited her, pretending to have dossiers of information about her life for her to desperately gobble up.  And one day, he asked if she would like to join the service. Put herself to use in serving her empire, enacting revenge on the Skrulls who not only destroyed her home, but also, took even the very memory of it from her. She eagerly agreed.

                However, the Kree brainwashing was about 95% effective the first time. What memories benefited them, they tailored to support their fictional backstory, but one memory slipped past them. She, as Vers, was being taught how to fly a spacecraft for the first time and took to it with (un)surprising ease and talent. Yon-Rogg was pleased at first, but then immediately horrified when her heard Vers muttering a tune to steady herself as she flew. Vers caught herself too when she paid attention to the words: she was humming an Air Force cadence, “I wanna be an Air Force pilot! I wanna fly an F-16! I wanna fly with the cockpit open!”

                Vers had laughed charmingly, scoffing “What was that?” and then resumed with her training. Yon-Rogg had taken her to the medical facilities for a “post-flying check-up”. They put her under to work on her mind once more.

               

* * *

 

                Carol woke up from another dream one night that contained a simple memory, but it was enough to motivate Carol to plan a spontaneous trip back to Earth. In the dream, she and Maria were sitting up in bed one night, Carol cuddled up on Maria’s chest as they read a book out loud to each other. Maria read a couple pages, and then it was Carol’s turn, and then continued until they were both too tired to go on any further.

                Now, Carol and Maria had actually made mutual plans for her to return to Earth, but that was not for another two months. But Carol started to remember more and more and more, and couldn’t take it. Her heart felt a pain, an empty need that she knew could only be healed by being in Maria’s arms. The closer she got to earth, the more excited she became, thrilled by the simplicity of being able to surprise a loved one. She entered Earth’s atmosphere at dawn, before anyone started arriving at work, and snagged some clothes off a mannequin yet again. She made her way, happily walking down the streets, blending in with the morning crowd, cooking up a plan. According to the chatter, it was Friday, and that couldn’t have been more perfect. She went to an outdoor market, and tried to ignore her growing integrity as she swapped a bouquet of hyacinth flowers. She had read in the store pamphlet that on earth, these flowers signified the asking of forgiveness.

                With her chest puffed, Carol kept walking down the streets, merrily making the hour long walk from the small-town center to Maria’s house on the outskirts. But when she arrived, the keeper of her heart was not in. Carol spent a decent amount of time trying to properly break in (she didn’t want to damage Maria’s property) but then she remembered something. The old Carol showed her something in her mind’s eye: Maria used to keep a spare key under a gnome at the bottom of the patio steps. Carol turned the lawn decoration over and found the key, as her memory promised. Stepping inside, she spent the majority of her day looking over things in the house, smiling when she naturally remembered something. She slummed on the couch and flipped through the TV, watching the news, learning as much as she could about her home planet. It still felt weird to say that. The Kree _really did_ do a number on her. She eventually fell asleep.

               

* * *

 

                She woke up to the sound of the door closing, and keys being tossed into a bowl. Carol sat up quickly.

                “Jesus!” Maria cried out in shock, but when her mind registered who it was that had invaded her home, she rushed forward. “Carol! What are you doing here?”

                Carol beamed, her heart fluttering. “Maria.” Carol got up from the coach and put herself into Maria’s embrace.

                “You’re here… early.”

                “Yeah,” Carol smiled into Maria’s neck as they hugged. “I really missed you. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

                “Oh?”

                “Yeah,” Carol looked up at Maria, still holding on. She looked up, and both women were drawn into each other’s eyes for a moment, before Carol started excitedly. “I got you, I got you some flowers.” She pulled away from Maria’s arms to pick up the hyacinth bouquet she had bought- stolen. She held them out proudly. She wanted to say I love you but didn’t know if Maria was ready to hear that again.

                Maria took them gingerly but smiled genuinely. “Thanks, Carol.”

                “You, uh, you know what they mean, right?” Carol smiled and put her hands on her hips.

                Maria took a quick glance at Carol before returning her attention to the purple flowers. “Uh, no, actually, I don’t. A lot of people don’t know what a lot of flowers mean.” Carol’s smile dropped wondering why a pamphlet would exist to tell people what things meant if it wasn’t common to know the meanings… or maybe that was why. “What do they mean, babe?” Maria asked with a sympathetic, yet entertained, smile.

                Carol’s smile returned at the term of endearment. “They are supposed to symbolize forgiveness.”

                “Carol,” Maria walked to the kitchen (Carol instinctually following her) and found a vase in one of her cabinets. “I have forgiven you already, it’s okay.” She turned on the faucet and poured water in before adding the flowers. “You’re already in this heart of mine.”

                “I just feel horrible about everything. The more I remember, the more I feel I _deserve_ you being upset with me.” Carol frowned.

                “Carol,” Maria repeated, placing the vase on the kitchen table. Carol was glad to hear her repeat her true name so much. Maria walked over to her and placed her hands to the sides of Carol’s neck, gently caressing with her thumb. “I’ve already told you. Yes, it hurt, yes, your death killed me, and yes, I was going through a lot when you returned, but I forgive you because I understand.”

                “But six years-”

                “Six years of you being dead to us, but a lifetime of being together from here on out, right?” Maria smiled reassuringly, searching deep in Carol’s sorrowful brown eyes.

                Carol nodded. She didn’t have the heart to tell her that she would outlive Maria, but she did have the emotion to voice: “But I don’t know how to keep you.”

                Maria laughed and it took Carol by surprise. “What do you mean?”

                “I’m going to be gone so many times, and for such stretches of time. I’m afraid you’re going to…” Carol couldn’t say _end us._ She couldn’t.

                “Let me ask you a question, babe?” Maria reached for Carol’s hand and squeezed it tight.

                “Of course,”

                “What were you before you served the Kree?”

                “A pilot.”

                “In what?”

                “The Air Force.”

                “That’s right. And what does every service member know about keeping relationships?”

                “That it’s hard.”

                “Exactly, because of deployments. It’s just like that, baby. It isn’t anything I’m not already mentally prepared for.”

                Carol sighed in relief. “You’re right,” she said, “You’re so right. I can’t believe I didn’t make that connection.”

                “Yeah,” Maria kissed Carol’s forehead. “Feel better now?”

                “A lot,” Carol beamed.

                “Good, now come here and help me make dinner.”

                “Where’s Monica?” Carol asked, as she began to wash her hands, Maria opening the fridge.

                “She went to a friend’s house for a slumber party,” Maria explained. “She’s gonna be bummed to know that you’ve stopped by.”

                “I’m actually gonna stick around for two weeks.”

                Maria spun around, eyes wide. “Two weeks?”

                Carol had just made that up. She had told Talos just the weekend. She would contact him later with the update. It’s just that Carol couldn’t let Monica down, either. She loved her family and wanted to spend time with both of them.

                “She’s gonna love that,” Maria muttered, but Carol could see Maria bit her lip quickly. From what Carol could remember, that was a typical tell Maria had: it was when she was trying to stop herself from crying.

                Carol knew not to bring it up though. Instead, she walked up to Maria, who was cutting some vegetables on a cutting board. Carol pressed herself into Maria’s back and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Can I just watch you, like usual?”

                Maria sniffed as she chuckled. “You would remember your laziness in the kitchen.”

                For a moment Carol watched Maria prep, but jumped in to help within a minute. They put together a simple steak dinner- “Have I had known you were coming home, I would have bought something more celebratory”- and slummed on the couch.

                Any nerves Carol might have had over coming here were completely dissolved. Maria reclined on her back, and Carol snuggled into her, lying on her stomach. They had a brilliant idea to catch Carol up on Earth pop culture by watching the blockbusters of the years she missed, and tomorrow they would take a long drive on the highway flipping through all the cassettes of hit music these past six years. Carol thoroughly enjoyed Jurassic Park. They were starting Pulp Fiction when Maria asked an interesting question.

                “Carol, baby,” Maria asked, sticking her arm out to the coffee table to grab another beer for Carol, and then twisted it open with ease. Carol didn’t think she would get used to Earth food again, but she took to beer easily enough. Alcohol on Hala was much stronger and bitter than this, but apparently, according to Maria, all beer was her favorite poison before the Pegasus incident. Carol murmured a “yes?” while she drank from the bottle.

                “I know I told you I forgave you earlier, and I have, but can I just get something off my chest? Since I had no one else to vent to when you died… I kept everything in.”

                Carol pulled the bottle away from her lips and sat up, straddling Maria’s hips, and then sat as gently as possible. “Of course.”

                “When it had happened, I was in denial for about an hour, only because I felt like I would be the one to find you, like everyone else was just too stupid to do their job right… but they wouldn’t let me go to the crash site. I was furious. I didn’t care about rank or protocol- I just wanted it to not be true, to fix it myself. And then I got called into the Commander’s office. It was there that I was ordered to stay quite about all of Pegasus, and about you. Since you put in your paperwork that your blood relatives were not to receive your belongings, I was to pick up what was allowed to be salvaged, hence the dog tag. But, the Commander has a little bit of a heart. He gave me a folded flag in your honor, but that was it.” Maria seemed to be biting the inside of her cheek now. She was doing her best to keep herself from crying, and she was succeeding. She delivered her words with strength. “I was so angry that you couldn’t even get a funeral aided by the Honor Guard. I came home very late that night. I don’t think I left base until around two or so in the morning. I just remember, sitting in the hangers, crying to myself and shouting after everyone had left, and hearing Taps echo in the distance. I don’t know, I…” now the tears were building up and her voice was cracking. “I took that moment, Carol… to pretend that it was being played for you.” Maria aggressively wiped a tear away. “You had joined everyone who that bugle represents, and every night I heard it, up until you first returned, I felt your ghost.”   

                Carol knew not to say _I’m sorry_ , this wasn’t something Maria was telling her to get an apology out of, this was something Maria needed to say for her own health and validation.

                “Thank you, Maria,” Carol said, rubbing Maria’s shoulder. “Thank you for what you did in my memory. You can tell me everything you want from those times, okay?”

                Maria nodded, most likely afraid to speak some more. Carol leaned down and kissed Maria with chaste, and it brought Maria a strange sense of comfort to taste the alcohol from Carol. It reminded her of night’s at Pancho’s.

                “I love you.” It came out of Carol’s mouth like a reflex. She didn’t want to say it at all yet, but now that it had been said, there was nothing left to do but own up to it. Maria’s eyes widened just for a second, but then she sat up, unsaddling Carol from her hips. She caught Carol from falling off the couch, and pulled her into an awkward hug.

                “I love you too, Carol,” Maria whispered into her neck as she hugged tightly.

                “If you’ll have me,” Carol pulled away softly, and looked Maria in the eyes with compassion, “I want to be in your life forever. I want to one day marry you, here on Earth if they ever progress, and out there, in the stars. I want to take you with me on the greatest adventures of your life. I want to bring back stardust for Monica, I want to give you more than I ever could before all this happened.”

                “You gave me everything you had back then,” Maria contributed. “You gave me everything, Carol. For what people like us go through, you never stopped living _our_ life.”

                “Then let me continue to give you everything. I know it’s not about quantity, I know, but I won’t ever want to stop giving you everything I possibly can.”

                The cicadas were adding to the Louisiana atmosphere outside the house, and the nature added to the intimacy of the moment. Captain Carol Danvers of the United States Air Force may have become Vers of the Kree Star Force, and Vers may have become Carol born-again into Captain Marvel, but Carol was humble in this moment. She was a human in a much larger world than her planet, but here, where she hailed from, was where she continued her life. Where her heart beat, where her greatest strength lay protected. She had the galaxy open to her but would never reject Earth. Home. She was after all, just a human. A lucky one with a hell of a fate, but just a human, home again from what she didn’t know would be a never-ending war.

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about having them make love, but I felt like it would be disrespectful to them sharing feelings and pledging things to each other. Sharing feelings is good for the soul, and I don't know, I felt like story-wise, it would discredit the feelings.
> 
> However, I am thinking about making a love scene one-shot in this series. Let me know if I should. However, if I do, I have to acknowledge Yon-Rogg (not saying I'm gonna have Carol do anything with him, but you have to admit that man was wishing for an unprofessional relationship lol I'll have him thirst, but Carol (and Vers) is not interested, so have no fear. Just wanna stay true to what I've deducted from the film lol
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> And drop by my tumblr to have a chat socialdisease609.tumblr.com


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